My first memory of going through all this is being a lil over 2 and going into dr.’s office and having liquid nitrogen sprayed over most my back to burn off basal cell carcinomas. I know there were procedures before this but I can’t remember them, though I know what they were and for. This was the start of what has been a very long and painful journey, which has taught me a lot about myself, strength, endurance, sacrifice and human nature. Looking back at pictures of myself when I was younger and seeing the changes both visible and not make me think about my life. My features have changed as well as attitudes and how I see myself and the world around me, I’ve learned how cruel people can be when presented with something they don’t know, how I want to be treated and how I try to treat others, and how superficial this world can be.
Saying that my life has been an adventure and struggle would by most people be an understatement , though at the same time I have experienced and done things most only dream of , I’ve traveled through all 50 states ,Canada,Mexico,and Puerto Rico. I worked with circuses carnivals have been called a hobo, bum, monster, freak, and beast, have seen the good, bad, ugly, and worst that society and the world have to offer, yet through it all have tried to stay positive and leave a positive mark behind me. I will be the first to admit, I haven’t always been the way I am today and most people who know me today say they couldn’t see or think of me being different than I am.
This is something I have worked hard at to change me and who and where I was and came from, I had a lot of anger and violence in me when I was younger, most was because of my childhood and family and unfortunately it came out in very negative and hurtful ways, which caused a lot of people pain and suffering which I am not proud of and am sorry for and have tried to change myself and my world to the betterment of others.
The journey I have been on has had many turns and twists, a lot of good and bad, heartache and broken dreams. Along the way I have made friends and enemies have hurt and been hurt, seen my world and I change both physically and personally. I have seen changes for good and bad in me and those around me and the world as whole; I’ve tried to stay positive through it all though not successful all the time. I have been suicidal and without hope to determined and stronger than I thought I could ever be. People have said that I am an inspiration and wish more people could know my story, as for me I am a survivor knowing that others have had challenges that I haven’t.
I have always said “I wouldn’t wish my life on even my enemy “and that’s true though there are parts I wouldn’t trade for anything.