what I’m thinking about today

a friend asked me the other day if i am afraid or do i think about dyeing? the answer I gave was no i am not afraid,am more worried about those I leave behind and how it will affect them, then this morning it got brought up again in a different way , a friend had called hospice and asked them to contact me, well i talked and she listened then she talked and I listened, agreed to let them send me info and business card, then hung up phone,but it didn’t end there, i began to question if my accepting or being willing to receive the info meant I am conceded myself that the end is closer than i want it to be. i still have things i want and feel need to do though am not sure how much time or energy i will have to do them all, people keep asking me what they can do to help and basically i say i don’t know , have been doing for myself for so long accepting help is not something i do easily, i have made plans and preparations for when my death comes, hopefully that will be enough,

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4 Responses to what I’m thinking about today

  1. butilookgood says:

    This is not giving up! Taking the steps to be prepared for future needs is not conceding! Set up the help you will need down the road and accept the help you need today. It is not about pride or independence. It is about being able to use the little energy you have to do what you want and need to do, because you have help for all the other things.

  2. Rick says:

    Even people at my advanced age (58, if you’re curious) totally ignore advanced planning, and when they pass (and it’s always a shock, no matter how old, young, whatever) they leave all their problems behind for other people to work out. So, for me, I want to be ready, without being morbid, and I want whatever comes to not be a burden. I tend to view end of life stuff as part of the whole adventure of living, even the suffering and uncertainty and eventual outcome will be at least interesting, because I’ve never been there before, and who knows what the view is like. And you’ve endured so much so far in a (to me) short life, that you’ll continue to bravely endure, but sometimes taking help is a mercy to everyone who cares about you. Hospice comes at the end, but sometimes we’re not in a position to make decisions for ourselves, so it’s good to think about it ahead of time, and know what you want to do while you still can decide. Meanwhile, you’re going to do great, I know. You have so far.

  3. Matt, you have made other plans in this vein when you did your will and medical directive, see this as another preparation on your journey. To me preparation does not mean an end is near, it means planning ahead so one can rest assured things are taken care of. It opens the path for you to see clearly and do those things you still want to do. Personally I would like to know what some of those things are when you say — “i still have things i want and feel need to do though am not sure how much time or energy i will have to do them all,” — if you share them with the universe of friends and good will around you, then you may find they are doable with the help of your friends. We’re not meant to walk alone … now is the time if ever to accept what others so want to give you, even if it is not something you do easily. You deserve every bit of comfort and love being sent your way. Take it … just take it.

  4. Scott Floyd says:

    Matt, I know hospice well. I have taken people though it more times that I wish. It is a wonderful thing to have in your pocket, both for yourself and frankly for those who love you, if it suddenly is needed. Right now, I have a friend who has been told there is nothing more that can be done. He has battled cancer and been a regular at SCCA for a long time. His wife is one of our best friends too. The “hospice” card is a jolt – and after about 2 weeks, it has been a good thing to know of and start to take advantage of. Two things can happen – you can hear “Hospice!” and give up and go fast – or you can hear “hospice …” and think yes, I need to know about that because I will need a skilled FRIEND – and they really are that – someday.

    Look into it, my friend. We all want to hang out with you no matter what and a hospice person can handle the parts we as your friends cannot. Love ya, man … we all do.

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