two options

Let me preface what i am about to say with this I am not seeking ptiy or attention for what i deal with or am going through . rather i am trying to be open ,honest and forthcoming with information that i am willing to share about my situation,

 

recently someone I thought was a friend told me I was being stupid and stubborn to suffer in pain and not get medicine to help with situation, let me be clear I have talked with my Dr. about my situation which is rather unique and have decided not to use drugs to deal with this that includes medical marijuana , the swelling and displacement in left side of my skull from the tumor is now more visible and I can not conceal it as well nor the fatigue from fighting the pain and pressure in my head or the other issues I am experiencing, which brings me to bit of dilemma , I have people asking me how I am doing , I will not lie but hesitate too when I tell people I am hurting and response I get is they don’t like knowing I am in pain and wish they could take away , my situation is this I have been in pain whether greater or lesser for 20 plus years now it is part of me, I can not change that my options at this point are to face it fearfully or fearlessly I choose the latter, there may be times when I withdraw and am not as active or online as much as usual but things getting worse as they are taking a higher toll  . some people from my past and others who do not know me have accused me of wanting or being in a pity party and seeking attention honestly I would rather deal with this in my own way and alone so friends did not see me struggling so much but know that is not fair to them

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2 Responses to two options

  1. Lucel-Melody Wings says:

    I’m sorry many of your friends do not understand the choices you make, and therefore are “blaming” you rather than offering support. Most people cannot even BEGIN to fathom such level of pain, much less that someone could face it without meds….and sooooo they “diss” rather than support. I’ve seen first hand what one can do to handle pain….and clairty is priceless…..at least in my book. Why be here if you don’t know you’re here?!

    You’ve DEFINITELY got my support a zillion percent, with EVERY decision you make. Lifting you up with warmth and love, and praying you safe journeys. If you are on-line or not, the prayer-songs continue to flow……may wonder and awe still find ways to bless your world and delight your heart and soul.

    Love you my friend, all ways, always!

  2. LantzR says:

    No worries Giant. I am privileged to be one of your friends.

    There is even a chance that some day you’ll learn to like strong coffee.

    Cheers,
    Lantz

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